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Day Old Blues

May. 8th, 2010 | 10:19 pm
location: In Your Pants on Weekends.
mood: discontent discontent
music: Dance Gavin Dance. Utada Hikaru. Oceans Over Airplanes. The Starting Line.

Hello to my readers again!!

What's new?

Nothing really. Mother's Day is tomorrow.

Don't even get me started on this holiday.
I know there are really amazing mothers out there. I don't have one. I hate this holiday as much as I hate Father's Day. You should know why if you've heard some of my life story. I don't regret any of it, it all makes me who I am today.

So yes, nothing really new. Just not liking people and not getting them.

Posts laters.

You live life once. Take risks and make the best of what you have. Everything happens for a reason.


Can YOU Meet Me Halfway?

Apr. 25th, 2010 | 09:09 pm
location: Still In Your Pants From Here
mood: cheerful cheerful
music: Dance Gavin Dance. Utada Hikaru. The Starting Line. Linkin Park.

Hello to you my readers.

Been some times since I last posted.

Nothing much new, which is good.

Shortish post then.

School is almost out.

Thank God.

Post soon.


I Feel Like Kidnapping Tidus One Day

Apr. 3rd, 2010 | 09:09 pm
mood: disappointed disappointed
music: Dance Gavin Dance. Utada Hikaru. Oceans Over Airplanes. Gorillaz.



Hello to my readers. :)

Yes, I am. Thank you.

Bored and I missed a week so yes.

What's new?

I was sick for the past two weeks with a wonderful cough that would just not go away. Finally did now and it is ama-za-zing.

What else happened?

Nothing big like usual, oh wait

MY IPOD DIED. LIKE WILL NOT REGISTER BEING PLUGGED IN DEAD. Off to save for a new one. Stupid Apple. Apples are good. Just not Apple. Sorry IPOD. Your mother/father/buddingasexuallything failed.

So yes. What else?

As I say that for the 3rd time. Sorry. :)

My mother is a whore and yes. If you don't know the stories of my childhood. Please, just ask. Give me a day to tell them.
I don't know how you have a kid and you're convinced your abusive bf is much more important that your kid who had to raise themselves their whole life and still is. Just get your priorites straight, please.

Mood is not as great as it's usually been. Just the depression and anxiety kicking it up. One day it will all be gone so yeah.

Easter is tomorrow so Happy Easter to my readers.

Off to go save the world from Shuyin who looks like Tidus but isn't Tidus.


Let's See

Mar. 14th, 2010 | 05:50 pm
location: Still In Your Pants and I Say So
mood: blank blank
music: Dance Gavin Dance. Oceans Over Airplanes. Utada Hikaru, P,O,D,

Hello everyone.

Short post today.

I don't feel like posting,


Why Can Aladdin Be a Dirty Movie?

Mar. 6th, 2010 | 11:23 pm
mood: nauseated nauseated
music: Sade. Utada Hikaru. Sweetbox. Three Days Grace.

Hello there again everyone.


Been feeling like i have no time to do anything anymore. Barely even have a chance to sleep. I stay up all night helping people with their problems when I can't even focus on my own.

My English paper. She's going to kill me. It's bad. Really bad. I hate it. I don't know why I did it that way. She's just going to kill me.
Anyone notice I'm still freaking out about it?
I usually don't. I am now.

Met the new counsler,
I'm not 5.
I know about OCD and depression in and out.
Don't try to convince me I don't have either of them at all.
Will be seeing him again in a few weeks.

I am really getting sick of being reminded of things of my past that just hurt. Really bad.
It's strange to be at this point now and look back at where I've been before and be in another direction.
I do miss things so much somedays.

Did mostly school work and yeah.
Hung out with Lisa today and got a new bookshelf. Finally.

Watched Aladdin again. So dirty. I have to write a book on all perverted things in Aladdin. Then move onto more Disney movies. My childhood is dead after seeing that.

They eat hard food now and climb and look like real kittens, not mice.
One's name is Alex and Black has been named Shinobi.

New post next week. Promise!!

Back soon.

Jasmine:Is it safe?
Aladdin:Do you trust me?
Aladdin:Do you trust me?


I Like Ninjas.

Feb. 28th, 2010 | 08:35 pm
location: Still In Your Pants Again
mood: cheerful cheerful
music: Dance Gavin Dance. Oceans Over Airplanes. Utada Hikaru. Noriyuki Asakura.

Hello to my readers that are still in small numbers.

It's been a week?

I hung out with one of my most amazing friends I met last week at the concert. Did I mention amazing?
Was really a great time. I loved all of it. Still really happy about it too. It's great to have a friend that gets you and you get them and you get along.

Went to another friend's house today. We attempted to beat the Wii game and watched The Office. Tried some Dynasty Warriors 6 too. Had fun there like usual.

Didn't do much during the week besides school.

Counsler who I've been seeing for almost 2 years was switched on Wednesday. She got a new job and it's better for her. I'm really happy for her, I just have to get a new counsler. He's a guy and that's just yeah.
I'm sick of it. I have to explain my whole story again. I can't trust people as it is.

Don't know if there's anything new going on this week. Not including meeting this dude.

Haven't even started my new book. I want to soooooooo bad. I need to get a few more books on getting things published and work on my old one still. I miss writing it. I miss writing anything.

Will be back soon,


Magic Carpet Rides

Feb. 21st, 2010 | 01:19 am
location: Still In Your Pants
mood: energetic energetic
music: Dance Gavin Dance. Oceans Over Airplanes. Dear Noel. Flyleaf.

What happened to me posting every day?
Been busy, that's what.

Nothing really new going on. Kittens are cute with their eyes and ears open. They're also trying to climb out now. :)

I do have a question for my one reader I have.

If you're friends with a guy and people start thinking you're dating, wouldn't you still talk to your friend even if people were annoying you with it? I really don't get people some days.

Went to Haitipalooza on Saturday. Was fun. Back hurts from it though. Standing and head banging for hours can do that.
If you're asking what this thing is, it was a concert event put on by my school with some bands from our school and some local bands. I spent most of my money.

Haven't been up to anything new really. Still working on beating FF X-2 and been watching Aladdin. Such a perverted children's movie. My childhood died from it.

I don't mind really.
Just remember everything Jesus did for us and this is nothing that we're doing for him compared to what he did to save us.
I didn't really give up anything this year. More like cutting down to a pop-2 pops a week. I'm trying to pass math classes now as a part of it.

Looking for a job soon though. I need money and more than the double digits I'm making now.

Been trying to write lately. Yeah. Writer's block beyond any author's dream. Haven't even started writing my new series yet.
I was remembering it today and it's kind of a goodbye thing. Once anyone reads it that knows me as a person will get it.
If they don't, just ask. :)

I know about 2 words in it and I could sing the whole tune for you.
I can't find it anywhere.
I don't know who the band is, what the song is called, more than 2 words in the lyrics.
Any help?

Back soon?

Paine: Come get some!
Yuna: Paine get's all the good lines.


Duck Soup!! Duck What?

Feb. 6th, 2010 | 11:02 pm
location: IN YOUR PANTS.
mood: confused confused
music: Dance Gavin Dance. Utada Hikaru.

Why hello there internet world. How are you doing today?

I made a new journal. Yeah. The last one just brings back things. I decided and here I am.

Was playing with the new kittens!! They are the best. Then Marielle came over and it was great. Felt like I was talking to the same person I've known for a long time. I needed that.

About the whole talking to someone that you've known for a long time. You get those people in your life that you've known for a long time. Then something happens and they change. It's still them then it really isnt. Great example would be someone that was so close to me. I should make up a name. Let's call them Squishy. Why am I calling them Squishy? I FEEL LIKE IT.

Squishy is a great example. Someone you feel like you know so well. Then one day you talk and you barely know the person at all. Had an experience with that a few nights ago. Some days. It feels like I'm not even talking to you. It's not you. It's not the person that raised me and that stayed with me through everything. It's not the person that I grew up with. This isn't you. I miss who you were. Everyday, I miss that person. Got a little soft there.

Some days.
You just want to feel the same way you did before.
May it be comfort and anything else.
More like security.

When you don't have it, it makes you look for it in something else. If you can't find it when you need it the most, you panic.

Off to other things. :)


It makes me laugh. Long story if you do want to know. :)

Another thing.

You miss them.
You hate them.

You chose the way you feel that day. One situation can set it off. Anything they say can cause it too.

Reminds me of someone. Feels like things shouldn't have ended the way they did. Then you know they want nothing to deal with you. Something else happens, then that feeling is unsure. You wonder and you don't want to ask questions. Then you feel like you really should.
Confused. I really am some days. I miss you. The real you. Not this person I don't really know.

Does it look like I'm missing people right now? I am. The people I knew and shared experiences with. Not this.

I have decided to start writing another book. It's going to be based on real experiences and events. My story needs to get out there. It's going to be for more people. Not just one genre. Still working on my other 2 series. That makes this 3 series at once. What am I getting into?

Might post again tonight? Depends on how I'm feeling.

Just noticed what a great first post this was. CAN I GET ANYMORE NEGATIVE?
Positive posts will be here.

Asking about the screen name?
As people know that know me, I'm usually on as ayame21. I'm still ayame21. It's just a new version. This is my story and how I'm living my story. I call it my wrath and it's more like my revenge on everyone. It's showing how I'm going to be the best I can be. It isn't really revenge then it is.